AN IGNORANT REVIEW: G-1 CLIMAX 24 (2014) PREVIEW

AND FEATURING Jack Black as Nacho

While we're merely casual fans of New Japan Pro Wrestling here at Pimp Matches, we try not to let little things like "context" and "information" get in the way of our mission to watch a bunch of wrestling and talk a bunch of shit about it. Every now and again, we will review a match or show (or in this case, a fuckboat of shows in a row) that we aren't necessarily super abreast of. We may be taking you into this thing a little cold, but that only means we have more sights to see.  And hey, maybe we'll learn a little something along the way. Or something.

AN IGNORANT (p)REVIEW: G-1 CLIMAX 24 (2014)
by: Matt Ederer

Over the past few years, New Japan Pro Wrestling has been the most consistent wrestling company on the planet. If you like your rasslin' to be nice and simple with sports-style presentation and dudes hitting each other real hard, then NJPW might be the wrestling show you've been waiting for.

Every 4th of January, NJPW brings us the Wrestle Kingdom show live from the famous Tokyo Dome (essentially the Japanese Wrestlemania). In the late 00's, NJPW had a working agreement with TNA wrestling, eventually leading to a Tetsuya Naito v. Jeff Hardy match which ranks high on the list of all-time worst disasters in the history of Japan.

On Jan 4th 2013, free from the TNA partnership, NJPW gave us an all time classic show in Wrestle Kingdom 7. Dave Meltzer, the most respected wrestling journalist who has ever lived and King of the Wrestling Nerds, called it an all-time classic show and better than the best Wrestlemania. High praise to be sure, but it was a ridiculously packed show with no less than 4 different 4 star matches. You could very easily make the case that it would have been the greatest Wrestlemania of all time.

The New Japan hype train kept right on rolling through the summer, as August 2013's G1 CLIMAX (what a fabulous name btw) was instantly and almost unanimously accepted as the greatest in-ring tournament in the history of the business. Again, that's crazy hyperbolic praise, but with some of the most violent, athletic, and hard hitting matches that anybody had ever seen, it's pretty accurate.

But what is the G-1 exactly? Wiki explains it as:

The G1 (Grade One) Climax is a professional wrestling tournament held each August by the New Japan Pro Wrestling promotion. The G1 draws standing room only crowds each night, record receipt gates and generates front-page coverage on the sports sections of several of the daily newspapers in Tokyo. Though it has sometimes been held as a single-elimination tournament, it is usually (and currently) held as a round-robin, with winners from two blocks wrestling in the final to decide that year's winner. In its current format, the tournament lasts between one to two weeks. The winner of each block is determined by a points system; two points for a victory, one point for a draw, and zero points for a loss.
(credit: wikipedia)

Also, the winner of the G-1 gets a world title shot, which generally happens at the Tokyo Dome show. Basically, the G-1 is the Japanese Royal Rumble, only it's a month long tournament instead of a hour long battle royal. Thanks, internet!

The 2013 G-1 was a once in a lifetime situation. With 9 shows in 11 days, it was one of the most physically demanding stretches ever in wrestling. In fact, the schedule became too much, as both Hirooki Goto and Hiroyoshi Tenzan had to pull out of the tournament due to legitimate injury. It's still fake in Japan btw. But these guys are not fucking around.

Fast forward to the summer of 2014. The G-1 Climax is back for an encore. The 2014 version of the G1 Climax tournament is scheduled over a slightly more sane 21 days, between July 21 and August 10, 2014. The finals will take place at the Seibu dome, which is the home of the Saitama Seibu Lions, and as a trivia note for all you baseball buffs (Pat), is where Daisuke Matsusaka played pro ball in Japan. With 22 names vying for the crown, this will be the largest G1 Climax in history.

SO ALL OF THAT IS TO SAY, here is the official Pimp Matches Preview of the 2014 G-1 Climax, in the form of two-three sentences on each of the rasslers in this here rasslin tournament.  

BLOCK A:

Block A:
- Hiroshi Tanahashi

The Wrestling Observer wrestler of the year for three years in a row, and counting. Tanahashi is everything that the WWE wishes John Cena was. He's Shawn Michaels with John Cena's push in a shiny Japanese body. He's popular, talented, and (apparently) he's the king of the golden abs, which is...an achievement? Simply put, Hiroshi Tanahashi is the best main event wrestler alive today, and every match he wrestles in will be an event.

- Shinsuke Nakamura

SWAGSUKE. A totally weird and unique gimmick. Nakaumra is kind of like an MMA fighter who happens to be constantly tripping balls on M. He looks and wrestles like he crawled out of a nightclub at 5 in the morning, hit the gym, passed out in the sauna and/or parking lot, and came to the arena ready to kill. His entrance is exactly like that time Peter Griffin took extasy. His wrestling style is like Daniel Bryan meets Dean Ambrose to the power of Adam Rose. In no way are these criticisms. Shinsuke Nakamura is my favorite Japanese wrestler and looks to be primed for a big push this fall and winter. SWAGSUKE is my pick to win it all this year.

- Katsuyori Shibata

I would not want to wrestle Katsuyori Shibata. Shibata is maybe the baddest man in pro wrestling right now, having developed a serious aura of danger around his matches, mostly through hitting his opponents really hard. A former MMA fighter, Shibata's legitimate credentials and vicious strikes help his matches feel different than everybody else's, like a mini-Brock Lesnar except with vicious strikes. A guy who takes it as well as he dishes it out, Shibata is a no-nonsense performer who will have more than one insane match in this tournament while making you question how fake this stuff really is.

- Tomohiro Ishii

The owner of one of the best nicknames in wrestling, the Stone Pitbull (!) is exactly what that nicknames suggests. He's a hard hitting, sawed off little monster. The master of the brainbuster, Ishii is a guy who has awesome matches with pretty much everybody. The Ishii/Shibata match from last year's G-1 was rated 5 stars by the Wrestling Observer and was widely accepted as the 2013 match of the year. And also, it was FUCKING INSANE. Cannot wait to see some more Ishii.

- Bad Luck Fale

Big ol' hoss getting a big ol' push. Not the most entertaining guy on the NJPW roster, but he's big as heck and he stands out. I'm expecting a few big wins out of Bad Luck, and possibly even for him to be in contention to win the block on the last day. At the end of the day it's still way too early to pull the trigger on a G-1 win for Fale, but through his recent IC title win over Shinsuke Nakamura, you can see that the bookers de-Fale-nitely have high hopes. So as you can see by that joke, I have no idea what else to say about him and lets move on immediately Forever.

- Yuji Nagata

The wily old veteran. When I was young and ignorant, I knew him only as a crappy WCW jobber who I skipped over in WCW v. nWo Revenge for Nintendo 64. What a dumb kid. Yugi Nagata is a great talent, and while he doesn't have a chance of winning, Nagata is still in the upper-echelon of in-ring performers in this business and will have plenty of entertaining matches over the next 21 days. The human embodiment of those annoying 'YOU STILL GOT IT' chants.

- Satoshi Kojima

The current NWA champion, which used to be a really, really big deal. Kojima is a long time G-1 veteran and can always be counted on for a good performance. This tournament should be no different. Expect a good showing and a lot of lariatoooooooooooos. 

- Kota Ibushi Tomoaki Honma

A replacement for Kota Ibushi, who is missing the tournament with a concussion. Sadly I do not know a single thing about Mr. Honma except that he's worse at flippity flips than the dude he replaced. While I wouldn't expect him to win this thing, this is a big chance for Honma to make a name for himself.

- Shelton Benjamin

There are very few differences between WWE Shelton and NJPW Shelton. While his athleticism stands out less in Japan, Shelton did have a few awesome matches in last years G-1. There's not a lot to say on Shelton. If you've seen him you know what he's about, if you haven't seen him, watch him once or twice and you'll know what he's about. OH he does the ankle lock now.

- Davey Boy Smith Jr.

The literal definition of a baby face (THEM CHEEKS), Davey Boy Smith Jr. is a really good wrestler who is kind of stuck in a heel tag team in NJPW. It's just too bad that he has the chubbiest cheeks in wrestling, because his tag team with Lance Archer is pretty bad ass and makes them both look like killers. DH Smith should be in the WWE and you can't give me one good reason as to why he's not. Other than the fact that he looks like he's twelve. 

- Doc Gallows

You may remember him as the guy you've forgotten from WWE's Straight-edge Society. The former Festus is a guy who other wrestlers are really complimentary of, even though I personally don't see it as a fan, or at least haven't yet. I am looking forward to seeing Gallows vs guys like Tanahashi and Nakamura, and much like Honma this might be a chance for Gallows to take his game to the next level.

That's it for Block A. Onto the B block.

Block B:

- AJ Styles

The former great white hope of TNA and current IWGP champion, which is the main title in NJPW and the most prestigious wrestling title in Japan right now. AJ Styles' mix of crazy athletisicm, spectacular bumps and awesome physical charisma make him a perfect fit for NJPW and their world championship. I expect Styles to win the B block and have a very entertaining run in this tournament.

- Kazuchika Okada

C.R.E.A.M. get the money

If Tanahashi is Japanese Cena, Okada is Japanese Orton. Great athleticism, awesome timing, throws a great dropkick, has pretty much a perfect look and enjoys a serious push to go with it. Okada has come a long way in the last few years, going from one of the worst in-ring workers in NJPW, to being saddled with a racist gimmick in TNA as O-kato, back to NJPW and suddenly having classic matches with Minoru Suzuki, Togi Makabe, AJ Styles and about 5 or 6  with Tanahashi. Kazuchika Okada is one of two favorites coming into Block B. If it's not AJ, it's probably going to be Okada.

- Tetsuya Naito

Last year's G-1 winner, crowds didn't take to Naito the way that NJPW wanted, and he has seemingly been scaled back in the recent months. Not to be deterred, Naito is a spectacular wrestler who has been having awesome matches with Tomohiro Ishii in that time frame, their February match being a high contender for match of the year. I don't understand how his taunt isn't racist though.

- Minoru Suzuki

Simply put, one of the best bad guys in wrestling today. Suzuki, an MMA fighter from the early days and the co-creator of Pancrase, is a surly, angry old man who will slap the shit out of you if you stand in his way. I don't know about you but that's everything I want out of a pro wrestler.

- Yujiro Takahashi

The Japanese Miz. Yujiro has a great gimmick (sleaseball who comes to the ring adorned in strippers), and is among the worst in-ring performers in the company. Yujiro recently beat Tomohiro Ishii for the NEVER openweight title, a decision that still has the internet bitter at young Yujiro (stupid Yujiro why'd you have to go and beat the Stone Pitbull god I hate him). Pretty great at being a heel, but a step behind most NJPW guys technically.

- Togi Makabe

Makabe, recently returning from a broken jaw, is a big time fan favorite, and according to the fantastic @puro_yottsume, is one of the best promo guys in NJPW. Cool! If you like clotheslines and knee drops, you're gonna love Togi Makabe.

- Hirooki Goto

Hirooki Goto and Katsuyori Shibata had my 2013 feud of the year, producing a number of insane matches that were at least as physical as most MMA fights, and more hard hitting than Jon Fitch's entire career. While Goto doesn't have much hope for a G-1 victory, Goto is an NJPW veteran who has won numerous tournaments before and will be pushed as a threat in every match he's in, not unlike Yugi Nagata in block A.

- Hiroyoshi Tenzan

Tenzan's best days might be behind him, but he''s not coming into this G-1 to sleepwalk his way through matches. Poor Tenzan is really banged up, as evidenced by him not being able to even finish last year's tournament. Regardless, Tenzan will give you everything he's got left in the tank, whatever that may be.

- Karl Anderson

Karl Anderson reminds me of a hamster with a create-a-wrestler moveset. He's a small bald heavyweight who does nWo taunts and a bunch of crazy RKO's. The leader of the bullet club, Anderson is a well traveled wrestler who has had a number of solid matches over the last few years. He'll win a couple along the way, but is no threat to win the tournament.

- Lance Archer  

The former Vance Archer has gotten really good lately, but sadly his tramp stamp will forever be his most famous achievment in wrestling. Could be a real player in this business if only he would commit to high-wasted pants.

- Toru Yano

From what I understand, his gimmick is "fat idiot". Somebody tell me what I'm missing please. A comedy midcarder and crowd favorite, Yano is kind of like the Japanese Santino. With similar in-ring abilities. Expect some zany hijinks and a few "oops I slipped on a banana peel" style victories.

CHECK BACK AT PIMP MATCHES FOR MORE G-1 PREVIEWS/SHENANIGANS